Part one of this three part series will focus on language, self efficacy, and how to ask better questions. Without effective communication, getting your point across to other people can be difficult. If you’ve gone through The Guardian Academy (TGA) foundational series you’ll recall from #3 Rocky Road From Action To Intention that a majority of people don’t actually communicate very well most of the time AND unfortunately, we grossly overestimate our ability to communicate efficiently. This article will help to cover some of the basics in improving this gap in communication that is formed. Once you’ve read this/watched the video leave the loop open and keep training that double-loop learning skill process.
The Quote Of The Day
The above quote will tie in throughout this entire series so have this in the back of your mind as you go through these articles.
As you go through life there will be statements you hear that ordinarily, you may have not given a second thought to, but if you sit down and actually dissect the words being said you’d see there might be another side to the statement.
“I got wrecked by Bitcoin.” (Did BTC really wreck you? Or did other people trading BTC do that to you?)
“Why don’t doctors do their job?” (Are doctors sitting around not doing their job?)
“Ugh, politicians, they’re the worst.” (If they were supporting a cause you believed in would this be the case?)
While these statements may not necessarily be false, they aren’t necessarily true in isolation which makes it very difficult to solve a problem.
Before we get any deeper into this article we have to be clear that we are conveying these ideas while working with an assumption:
Assumption: You want things to get better for you. (A higher probability of favorable outcomes).
If this is untrue, you can stop reading and go about your day. However, if the statement is true let’s open some loops and have you sit with them for a bit, then make sure you go through the entire process from this article.
Karpman’s Drama Triangle
Victim-Says “I’m helpless.” The danger with this is the “helpful” people (rescuers) that try to save the victim.
Rescuer– Says “Let me help you.” That danger with this is rescuers seek victims to save as a way to feel productive and not have to deal with their own issues.
The way that the triangle operates effectively and for both the victim and rescuer to maintain their identity is the introduction of a persecutor (a villain) whether real or imaginary.
Keep in mind, one person can play all three roles in their life at anytime or all three at the same time.
How can one avoid being stuck in this triangle?
There are some truly bad actors out there, but most of the “villains” are made up, just someone to take the fall and blame.
There will always be rescuers or people that are just looking to be “helpful”.
The only piece that can be removed then is the victim. Avoid being a victim and falling into victimization mindset by first working on yourself and healing yourself and then you can avoid being stuck in the triangle.
Language is very important
- Rocky Road.
- Precision in questions (asking what you mean to ask).
- Precision in answers (answering what was asked).
- Colloquial speech patterns and self efficacy.
Precision In Questions
- What is protein?
- What is crypto?
- Are Oreos bad?
Someone could answer question 1 with a textbook answer:
This probably wasn’t the answer you were looking for though. Most likely (again an assumption) it would fall somewhere under the lines of:
“Should I eat more protein?”
“How much should I eat?”
“How do I know if I’m eating enough protein?”
“How do I know if I need more protein?”
If the person on the other end actually answered the question you asked (“what is protein”) but it wasn’t the answer you were looking for this could get very confusing. Probably leading to some frustration if this wasn’t the first time you’ve asked the question.
Precision In Answers
- What is protein?
- What is crypto?
- Are Oreos bad?
Let’s approach it from the opposite end.
If someone asks “what is crypto?” and your response is “I don’t really know but you should buy a lot of it since everyone else is.”
The assumption here is that you think the question is “Should I buy crypto?”
There is a gap between how we are asking questions, and on the flip side, answering the right question being asked. This gap is what creates an illusion of communication. When we aren’t getting our questions answered and can’t seem to find the answers even though we THINK we are communicating them well, we now spiral into this self-victimization.
Colloquial Speech Patterns & Self Efficacy
- “Oreos make me fat.”
- “Bitcoin wrecked me.”
- “Exercise doesn’t work for me.”
These are examples of another way we victimize ourselves. We will use “Oreos make me fat” as an example. In your head you might be saying something else, but the language used implies that a sleeve of Oreos broke into your house, tied you down, reproduced infinitely, and made you continue to eat them until you gained weight. The probability of that happening is probably very low. The language that is being used is already abdicating all responsibilities from yourself. A reword of the original statement could be:
“I don’t have very good self control and so I can’t eat just 1 or 2 Oreos, if I open it up I’m going to eat the entire sleeve and I know that about myself so I don’t keep them around.”
Can you see the difference between the two statements?
The latter, we are taking responsibility for our role in the outcome.
Valid Vs Useful
Revisiting TGA Foundations 1, when we are communicating we have to be able to discern, “Am I trying to be valid (correct) or useful (helpful)?”
Do you want to know what electricity is or do you want to know how to turn the lights on?
There is no right or wrong, but we just have to be aware do we want validity or usefulness? These would be two different conversations.
Most of the time people are looking for “how do I get this outcome that I want?” “How do I get the outcome I desire using crypto?”
This is different from “What is crypto/blockchain?”
Hope this intro into the adaptive dilemma was helpful we will do a deeper dive over the next two articles to continue to open some loops for you.
What Do I Do After Reading This Article?
Reflect on your questions.
Are your assumptions explicit?
Are you assuming the assumption of others?
Are you victimizing yourself unknowingly?
Drop your 6WU- Wisdom Comes From Multiple Perspectives
Drop your 6WU into the Adaptive Dilemma thread below.
Part 2: Dogmatic V Scientific Orientation
The Adaptive Dilemma Part 2- https://guardianacademy.io/the-adaptive-dilemma-2-dogmatic-v-scientific-orientation/